Tired, Inspired

This disease seems to either kill you fairly quickly or wear you down little by little. It’s beginning to wear me down. When I went for my forty-third chemo treatment and the accompanying blood test this week several things were revealed. First, Dr. George informed me that the MUGA test I had last week showed that there has been some damage to my heart. It is reversible, but only upon stopping the agent that is causing it. So Dr. George cut out the Herceptin, one of two drugs I’m currently taking that causes the damage. Looks like another example of “if the disease doesn’t get you the treatment will”. The blood test showed that my CEA count continues to rise. It’s now at 202.9 compared to 149 three weeks earlier. Apparently this chemo regimen isn’t working. Dr. George ordered another PET scan. I think she knows the treatment is not working and would have changed it by now if she had another idea. We’re running out of options. Since I had the paracentesis to drain the abdominal fluid less than three weeks ago I have felt that the fluid is returning. Over the last two days it has really hit hard. It has become extremely uncomfortable and it’s difficult to eat. I think I need to have the procedure done again. So now, instead of having two free weeks between treatments I’ll probably have paracentesis one of the weeks and a PET scan the other. I’m getting very frustrated and tired of all the doctors, hospitals, procedures and discomfort. I know this is all a bummer and frankly I had been feeling rather depressed. But As I sat down to write this blog entry I opened an email I just received from Diana. Her husband Frank was diagnosed in May 2009. Diana gave me a brief history of all they’ve been through and how hard Frank is fighting. Their story, along with a couple of well timed hugs from Trrrr, has inspired me. I’m ready to carry on. -------------------------------------------