I'm Still Here

I'm still alive. Some days I feel like I'm going to die. Some days are worse, I feel like I want to die.

Everyone has been great.

While I can I want to thank everyne who has followed my blog, supported me and given me strength. You'll never know how much that helped me through this.

I made a lot of new friends. I cherish all of you and will remember you and your loved ones to God. I will tell your loved ones how much you love them and miss them. But they already know.

Carry on everyone, carry on.

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Day By Day

It seems that I get weaker each day that goes by. Slowly, but definitely weaker.

I've been getting a lot of visiters which is nice. This past week was highlighted by a visit from my nephew Matthew.

Carry on.

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This is How It Should Be

My EC comrades who have gone before me taught me many things about life and about handling this disease. They also taught me about dying.

Here are some brief accounts of their passings, taken from their wives’ blogs.

John Hawker:

Wednesday, June 9, 2010 7:14 AM, CDT

 Today at 3:55 am, our dear John...beloved son, husband, step-dad, brother, uncle, cousin, nephew, and friend...was released from his pain and passed into heaven.
Angels everywhere will turn their heads and watch the arrival of their new spirit, we know they have waited for him. They will feel our tears and know how much John is loved and how we all will miss him.

 Travis Poll:

Our prayers were answered and T passed peacefully today, the day before his 36th birthday, with me tucked in by him in the bed, my head on his shoulder and my hand holding his hand.

The following is from an email sent to me by Marilee Alvey. She gave me permission to share it.

Larry Alvey:

On July 27, my niece (more like a daughter to me) came over to see Larry. My daughter, Lindie, was there with me. Larry chose to go when the three of us were together. It was a brilliant decision. They've been like my angels, one on either side of me! Well, I went a few steps out to the deck to show my niece my deck. She'd never been over to our new place. That's when my daughter came out and said Larry's breathing was irregular. She was a bit distressed. I forgot that she'd never seen anyone die. All she knew is that breathing is good. Not breathing is bad. I went right in, took Larry's hand in mine and told him in a calm voice. "Larry, I'm right here. I told you I was going to put your hand in Jesus' hand, and that's exactly what I'm going to do." Our daughter held Larry's other hand. My niece stood patting his shoulder. He went. I put my hand on his heart and told him, "I'll be right here." His final flight was over. He passed over into the most beautiful place ever! Imagine his lungs breathing clear, clean, unpolluted celestial air for the first time. Imagine his feet and hands regaining their feeling! Imagine him running once again! No soreness. No fatigue! Now, Larry looks like he's about 20-30 years old! I believe he's flying!

I know that these friends are waiting for me along with Richard Martin and Travis Beus. I’m looking forward to meeting them.

We will carry on together.

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Hospice

I am under hospice care now. I’m not on my death bed yet but I do require more “comfort” care. And these people are absolutely great at making myself and Terry comfortable.
I think I still have some time left and the hospice people are helping to make it quality time. I can spend time with people who come to visit and enjoy life.

Perhaps I'll survive so long they throw me out of the program.

Carry on.