Friday, November 5, 2010
This Beast Is Fast
I held off writing this entry because is took me a while to deal with it.
I thought I was preparing for another SIR Sphere treatment but on Wednesday the doctor who does it, having Tuesday’s CT scan in hand, called. He informed me that the treatment is now ruled out because of the risk/reward considerations. It seems the lesion/tumor in my lung is active again. Risking further liver damage is not wise because even if successful, the active cancer in the lung makes treating the liver rather useless. To further complicate things, the CT scan showed fluid in my abdomen which he suspects is coming from the liver. BAM. Things sure do change quickly.
I still have an appointment Monday with the radiation oncologist who was to determine sphere dosage. I will keep that appointment just to see if she has any other ideas. Following that I have an appointment with my medical oncologist. I’ll see what she says, particularly about the fluid. I’m exploring clinical trials. Realistically, I think my only option is more chemo which hasn’t been working.
If you are inclined to pray for me please pray that I have enough time left to finish the things I need to finish and that I have the strength to accept my fate and face it with courage.
If you have only one prayer for now, let it be for Robbie LaSalle. He had his surgery and now faces a long, difficult recovery.
Carry on.
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Dear Jerry,
ReplyDeleteI hate cancer! It makes you feel like you're being unvoluntarily sucked down a giant drain. You are in my prayers, Jerry. I know that, one day, death comes to all of us, and, usually, we consider it too soon!
I called Larry's great aunt Ida last week to tell her about Larry's sister's death three weeks ago to cancer. This great aunt misunderstood me and thought I'd said "Betty" instead of "Sandy." Betty is Larry's mother. Ida is her aunt. When I finally straightened it out, she said, "Oh, I was so upset. I thought it was Betty!" I got a little ticked and said, "Aunt Ida, I've lost two loved ones in three months to cancer, both in their 60's. Betty will be 86 years old this month (she has Azheimers). You can expect that, one day, she, too, will die." Aunt Ida said, "Well, I'm 96 and I'm not ready to go yet."
Sometimes I think this is an upside down world. I strongly suspect that Larry's death certificates should be rejoiced over because it's the proof he's gotten his reward, to enter Eternity! Likewise, I see others and think they're lucky to have their spouses, when I am lucky to have a husband that has entered the very place we should be yearning to go to.
We cling to this life, but, Jerry, there's far better ahead of us than behind us. You are precious in God's sight, Jerry...and he has made a promise to you: "I have plans to prosper, not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Believe it.
Carry on.
I'm sorry to hear that, Jerry. I do pray for you, and Robbie too. You've been fighting a good fight! I think you have a wonderful perspective. Keep your eye on the prize (which isn't living forever in mortality - it's eternal life after enduring all your trials!)
ReplyDeleteJerry-Sorry to hear about latest setback. Like my mother you have faced down this rotten disease with bravery & dignity. I think I heard it once said it is not how long you live but how you face lifes setbacks & living a life worth living with meaning & purpose.I am sure you have done that.Peace be with you Jerry
ReplyDeleteHumble follower England
Jerry, oh man, cancer sucks. That's all I've got. And, that my prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteBest,
Katie
It makes me sad to read this entry. I am praying that there is some kind of treatment they can offer you that will WORK! I'm praying hard...
ReplyDelete