If you are reading this for the first time and want to hear the whole story, look under "BLOG ARCHIVE" on the right. Read the oldest blog first, starting with "The Diagnosis" in January 2009 (click on it) and continuing down. The blog you see below is the most recent and you want to read it last.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Be Prepared

I’m learning how to live with the bag. It’s inconvenient but in some respects it’s better than the Pleurx system. We’ll see how it goes.

My biggest problem now is that I have almost no energy at all. My blood pressure is very low all the time now even after hydration which I’ve had twice over the past week. I have nausea and pain off and on. I believe it’s all a sign of disease progression

I don’t think I’ll be writing much more about medical stuff unless something significant develops. At this point all the medical care is “comfort” care, palliative care. I will continue to blog as much as possible but it is likely to be focused on my thoughts and feelings as I get closer to the end. I tell you this because some people don’t like reading about that. So if you continue with me to the end ….. be prepared.

Speaking of being prepared …. I am. I’ve had two and one half years to prepare. One of my main concerns now is making sure that other people are prepared. That’s not easy.

I’ll begin this phase with the following story.

In September 2008 I was severely overweight. I battled the weight all my life, sometimes successfully, but always ending up where I started or worse. I’m sure I was very close to having a heart attack. God intervened. He said that the only way to get me to lose the weight was to have me get sick. He basically said that I could have almost three more years to make things right in my life. That’s certainly preferable to dying immediately from a heart attack. After learning of my diagnosis and prognosis I would have been very grateful to know I’d be able to live almost three more years. Of course three years doesn’t feel too good after two and a half years are gone but that was the deal.

I can honestly say that these last years have been among the best in my life. I am truly grateful. I plan to make my remaining days just as meaningful. I hope to see as many friend and family members as will see me.

I plan to carry on.

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11 comments:

  1. My prayers are with you always..........
    DR

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  2. Hi Jerry, I wish I lived closer so I could come visit you and give you a hug. Even though we've only corresponded over the internet, you have touched my life. I look forward to reading more of your thoughts and life lessons as you get ready for your next journey. I'm going to miss your writing when you go, but we both know you'll have the most amazing ushers waiting to guide you along. The fact that you are accepting and preparing will provide some peace to your loved ones later on. Please tell a couple of your ushers that I love them when you get there.

    Wishing you strength and comfort,
    Angie Poll

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  3. I'm with you to the end, and my other (better) half will be with you beyond that. You're doing great at carrying on!

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  4. You don't know me but I, like Angie, also look forward to reading your thoughts and life lessons:) I wish you to carry on as long as possible so I can continue to enjoy your wonderful blog:)

    Caroline (just a gal who's father is going through the same thing)
    x

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  5. I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings like you do. I am supporting you from Tennessee.

    Rolinda

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  6. Your thoughts mean a lot to a lot of us - keep writing. When you've finished your book, I hope your wife or one of your kids will have it printed and bound. It will be a treasure for your posterity. Mandy can tell you where you can have this done.
    J. Keime

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  7. Jerry -- you continue to amaze all of us. You have such control of yourself. I kinda link it to a horse (not you) who knows where he is going, but the rider (you) has the reins and makes adjustments as he is leading the horse.

    Sharing your life and thoughts with us is most generous. We are here listening --- and praying for both your comfort and strength.

    With love,
    Auntie Eleanor

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  8. Hey Jerry,
    You know, at this time last year as John was bed ridden, he never once mentioned the possiblility of an end. I really don't think he ever came out of denial. It's strange to see it both ways. A man such as yourself with full knoweledge of what's happening to him, and a man who refused to even consider it. I guess John knows now eh? Like Mandy's husband and the others...they will all be waiting for you. You've been such a part of my life (even if it's only by this blog...and talking to you on the phone), it's hard to imagine that it will end. I guess none of us are getting out of this alive. It's just that only so many of us know when we are leaving.
    By the way....I found my high school and college boyfriend on Facebook. I broke up with him 27 years ago and he never got over it. Turns out he never even got married. He moved away to Seattle. We are running off to Vegas June 29th to get married. John's mother is throwing me a bridal shower. I decided, "Life is short, better get busy living it!"
    Love ya Jerry
    Tracy Hawker

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  9. Thanks for all the posts Jerry,I'm sure they have helped all the people suffering this same disease, because 3 years is pretty amazing giving all the statistics. I hope god will grant you some quality time to reflect. Best wishes to you & family also Tracy Hawker whos husbands blogs I also followed, hope she & family are coping with there personal loss, he seemed like a great guy. Humble follower James England

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  10. Thank you, Jerry, for sharing so much with us all. I emailed you about my husband, Frank, a while back. He finished his battle in mid January. He didn't lose it...he loved life and lived it the best he could each day, just as you have done. I remain with our three beautiful children, and surround myself with their love -- I have been so blessed! We certainly have our sad moments...but we feel Frank still lives amongst us...his presence will forever be in our hearts. I wish you and your family both strength and peace. Diana

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  11. Hi Jerry, I really enjoy your posts. I will keep reading and look forward to sharing in your journey. We are all on the path with you. Evelyn

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