Friday, September 17, 2010
Sorry If I Misled You
I’m afraid my last post left an impression that I did not intend. I think it came across as being negative, even giving some people the impression that I was depressed, perhaps giving up. Not at all.
Yes, I definitely have some times when I am depressed. I can’t help it. But for now, and most of the time, I am determined. And I’m loving every day that I have.
To me, the key points of what I was trying to say was that I’m very happy to have outlived my prognosis and the past two years have been among the best in my life. Yes, I wrote about indications that the end may not be far off but there are two things about that which are very important. First, I want to be able to recognize when the end is approaching. I am fortunate that I was not killed suddenly, depriving me of the opportunity to finish some things here on earth. Secondly, when the time comes I am ready. I am not afraid. I am at peace.
For those of you that were concerned, those who left comments, and those who sent private emails, thank you. But please don’t worry about me. Next week I see the Chemo Kaiser again and I hope to have good news to report. If it’s not good I’ll figure out what to do next and keep fighting.
Please, if you can, listen to the song in the background. It expresses how I’m feeling. Here are the lyrics to the first and last verses.
May I suggest
May I suggest to you
May I suggest this is the best part of your life
May I suggest
This time is blessed for you
This time is blessed and shining almost blinding bright
Just turn your head
And you'll begin to see
The thousand reasons that were just beyond your sight
The reasons why
Why I suggest to you
Why I suggest this is the best part of your life
This is a song
Comes from the west to you
Comes from the west, comes from the slowly setting sun
With a request
With a request of you
To see how very short the endless days will run
And when they're gone
And when the dark descends
Oh we'd give anything for one more hour of light
I would give anything for one more hour of light, including continuing the battle against this beast.
Be happy everyone. Carry on.
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Jerry,
ReplyDeleteMay I say that I totally get all that you're saying. The journey with Larry taught me much. He had 14 months for us to bring honor to him and love on him. He had time to say all he had to say. He had time to repair any relationships that needed it. Our son, Matt, said that he'd like to go the very same way. All had been said! He was content that he'd communicated to his dad, over and over, how blessed he was to be his son.
My sister-in-law, Larry's sister, now has stage four cancer. One of her two daughters, living near her, and her husband, won't allow her to talk of death or "if." It's painful, I believe, because she feels like you. She's had a good life. She's ready and not afraid. When people won't allow us to discuss it, it makes it somehow "dirty" or "wrong." It is anything but. It is our highest goal in this life: to get there. That having been said, Larry didn't want to talk about that option. That was fine with us. However, if he'd decided at any point to quit chemo, we would have rallied behind him in that, too. He simply couldn't bear to part with us. I understand that!
Each person just needs to decide. There's so little we have control over, in cancer. It's your life, Jerry, and your departure from this world. I don't see it as depression. In a way, I see it as healthy, a statement of belief in the continuance of life....and that, my friend, is BEAUTIFUL!
Carry on, Jerry. Blaze your own trail. Thank you for letting me travel along with you for awhile. I know that, one day, we will be together, you, Larry and I, walking in that beautiful world that God has prepared for us. Won't we have a laugh at how tough it seemed to cross that bridge?
LIve your life fully, Jerry, as we all should. We are all blessed, each day. We should always celebrate for all we're worth! We're living in Eternity now. We don't really die at all. We just move.
I can really appreciate the term "passed," now. Larry didn't die. He simply passed on to a better spot. Oh, I bet there are so many things he'd like to tell us about that crossing, now. How he'd love to encourage you in your battle, to tell you to relax, as you are doing, that God's got it all covered!
You've got it, good friend. Keep it up.
Marilee Alvey
PS I love the song!
What Marilee said.... (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying, Jerry, and I'm so happy you feel that peace.
ReplyDeleteThat was a beautiful comment from Marilee!