If you are reading this for the first time and want to hear the whole story, look under "BLOG ARCHIVE" on the right. Read the oldest blog first, starting with "The Diagnosis" in January 2009 (click on it) and continuing down. The blog you see below is the most recent and you want to read it last.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Final Entry

It was part of my father’s final wishes that I compose his last blog entry.
I am flattered that he thinks my writing is “eloquent” enough to bring closure to something that has come to mean so much to so many people…. but my dad is a tough act to follow!

First of all, since I have the forum to do so, I need to thank all the people (and there were hundreds – I am not exaggerating!) who took part in my father’s wake and funeral services. He used to worry that “no one would come”, and surely would have been blown away by the number of people who came to pay respects. I’m sure I am not just speaking for myself when I say that everyone was so loving and supporting, and the prayers were definitely felt, and brought us a great deal of comfort. All of my father’s final wishes were carried out: Sr. Sylvia (his angel) gave a beautiful prayer service at the wake, people made donations to St. Jude’s instead of sending flowers, my brother AJ stood to his right, Taryn sang beautifully at the funeral mass which was con-celebrated by Fr. Flanagan and Father Herb, my dad’s in-law’s did the readings, and people brought photos & other fun trinkets to bury my father with, along with one of Terry’s homemade blankets. Every detail was met, none to small. I think we did him proud.

My father truly left this world with no regrets. He said everything that needed to be said, and even left letters and gifts for the people who were closest to him. There is however one more thing I know he wanted to do, and it is my fault he didn’t get to do so….
He wanted to tell his blog readers (who have all come to mean so much to him) that he was going to become a grandfather this December.

When I found out I was pregnant, I could not wait to tell my dad. I knew he would be so excited. My husband and I really wanted to wait until the end of my first trimester to tell everyone, but made an exception for parents. Since I am due in December, we wrapped a framed picture of the ultrasound in Christmas paper, and gave it to him as an “early Christmas present”. Dad was ecstatic, and wanted to tell everyone right away. My husband and I understood, but really wanted to wait until the end of my first trimester to go public. I ended the first trimester the day after my father died.

I know he couldn’t wait to tell the world he was going to be a grandpa. He may not be here now to do that himself, and I am sorry for that, but to make up for it, I can share with you the video of when we told him. I don’t think he would mind.

There are so many qualities of my father that I hope our child inherits. I hope he or she is able learn from adversity, always advocate for themself, find humor in things that make other people cringe, and find it in their heart to help others – even when they are struggling. (I also hope our child shares my dad’s love for theater, passion for holiday decorating, and appreciation for diner food!)

Not only will my father live on in our child, but I hope he lives on through all of you. All he ever wanted was to attach some kind of meaning, or purpose, to his battle. If even one person has learned something from it, whether it be about a certain kind of chemo or just how to how to laugh when you feel like crying, I know that goal will obtained. Take what he has shown you, apply it to your life, make positive changes while you still can. But most importantly, stay strong and carry on.

With sincere thanks and love, Heather Wyman Boccassini 

122 comments:

  1. Heather-
    You did a beautiful job with your dad's last entry. Sincerely touching. This is exactly why your dad asked you to do the honors. I know he is smiling down with pride.
    <3
    Lindsey

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your post touched me deeply and was right on. Your father was an excellent example of how to make a tough situation better for others. I wish your family peace.

    Travis Beus' wife,
    Karianne Beus

    ReplyDelete
  3. Heather,

    I was so honored to have gotten to know your dad through his blogs and ours (my husband died of this in July of last year.) My daughter, Lindie, was the one to discover him on the Esophageal Cancer website. He helped Lindie a lot. Later, he asked if he could join our Caringbridge website. We were delighted to have him. He would read and read. I don't believe he ever posted, though. However, he told me that Larry had shown him so many things about what it means to have faith. We were honored to hear that.

    Jerry was so brave, so strong, and had a positively wicked sense of humor. The Chemo Natzi, indeed! I remember my husband, Larry, laughing at that heartily as he went through it, too.

    Jerry stayed in control of his chemo, calling the shots as best he could. Toward the end, he asked me about the details of Larry's death. I gladly sent them to him. He then asked if he could post it in his blog. I said, "Jerry, anything I've got is yours. Just ask. I'm here for you." Having been through this death, I had some insights I could share. I told Jerry that I'd told Larry, "I may not have much control in this disease at all, but I promise you that I will do all I can, every step, to take care of your pain...." and I did. I was so happy to hear that Terry did the same for Jerry. I would have done anything to help Jerry. He'd become like family.

    I am excited that Larry and Jerry are finally meeting in person! A thousand years from now, we will all be sitting around the dinner table and someone will ask Jerry, "Jerry, how was it that you arrived in Heaven?" and Jerry will reply, "You know, I was trying to remember that the other day. I can't even remember!" You, his family, will have long ago forgotten, as well. Your 'child', all grown and passed on, will say, "You know, grandpa, don't blame me for forgetting! I wasn't around yet!" Everyone will laugh and go on with the joys of Eternity, all stress, trouble and challenges long ago forgotten.

    I am so glad that you took the time to let us know. I was so concerned about that, never having heard from anyone else. I thought, "When the time comes, will I even know?" My daughter, Lindie, and I miss Jerry already..and we never even met him. He was that kind of person. Thank you and Terry so much for letting us know the rest of the story. I know Jerry likes that.

    You guys are the ones in need of healing now, and, just as you helped Jerry while he was here, he, too, will help you all heal in his way. Cherish your life, celebrate and enjoy it. Remember how hard your father fought for each day here! Go forward.....

    .....and carry on, Heather.

    Marilee Alvey

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was beautiful, Heather. I watched the videos of your ultrasound on YouTube. Already so cute. Congratulations! Your dad was a good-looking guy too - I had only ever seen one picture, the one he posted when you got married. I know he'll be watching over your little family.
    Judy Keime

    ReplyDelete
  5. Heather, You did a wonderful job with the last entry. Your dad would be proud. He so loved you and your brother and asked me to take care of everyone, that I was always a positive influence in your life. The taking care of is easy. I love you both and so loved your dad. Time and love will heal all. So, as we all seem to say....... CARRY ON .........

    ReplyDelete
  6. A beautiful tribute to your Dad, Heather. Your little one will learn to know and love him as you do and for all the things that made Jerry ---- Jerry.

    Yes - your Father had many qualities and he has shown them both in health and in his illness. People are stronger because of him. He will not be forgotten.

    (((((hugs)))))
    Auntie Eleanor

    ReplyDelete
  7. A brave inspirational man who really beat the odds surviving this long considering statistics alone, I've followed his entries since my mums passing same desease july 13 last year, she managed 18 months which also was remarkable. His blogs will have helped people suffering same disease giving hope. Goodbye Jerry R.I.P
    Humble follower James England

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm only just now seeing this because we've had a rough few days ourselves.

    Thank you for this last entry... beautifully written.

    Jerry is STILL an inspiration and will continue to be as long as his words are read.

    RIP Jerry...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Heather,
    The final entry that you posted in your Dad's blog was 'perfect', just as your Dad knew it would be. I know he is looking down at you and AJ and smiling....you both did him proud. He will continue to inspire you both and will always be a special part of everything in your lives.

    So 'Carry On' with pride knowing that your Dad was truly courageous and
    loved you and AJ so much.

    Love,
    Kathy Kmit

    ReplyDelete
  10. That was beautiful, Heather. A testament to Jerry's legacy
    I hadn't seen your dad since before I moved out of state, but occasionally touched base. Such a good person to know and
    I was blessed to act on stage with him and count him as a friend. I am just one of many who will miss him greatly.
    God bless you,
    Greg

    ReplyDelete
  11. Your final entry was a touching tribute to a man who was strong, brave and determined with a wonderful sense of humor. He loved you and A.J. very much and he was my friend for many years. I enjoyed being around him both on stage and off, because he always made me smile. He told me 2 weeks before he passed that it "could have been worse". He explained that he was glad that he had the time to say the things he wanted to say; arrange everything his way; and make amends with those who meant so much to him. He was prepared and ready to go with his Dad to a better place. I know that everyone who knew him and loved him will miss him, but he has left a footprint on our hearts that will be an inspiration to us always. Yes Jerry......Carry On and Rest In Peace. Linda

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jerry:
    If you can hear or see me....I am just confirming what I told you day in and day out.....that I love you with all my heart. I talk to you every day inside my head and somehow I feel you are knowing that. Someday I will meet up with you again, my son.

    Your loving mother

    ReplyDelete
  13. Jerry -- I think of you a lot, and especially right now. A year has gone by, but I know you are still with your dear family, as your soul lives on. You are dearly loved by all, and they are "carrying on" for you.

    Love you---
    Auntie Eleanor.

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