Some Philosophy

OK get ready for some deep thinking and some words of wisdom. Some of it comes from me and some of it from others who have touched me. First of all, I know there are some people who think I, and perhaps others in my situation, are guilty of hypocrisy or at least some disingenuousness. Guilty because of a new found love and respect for God, family, friends and life in general. These people think that we have these feelings only because we are facing death and were it not for that we’d continue looking at things the same way we did before. These people are probably right. But I have two things to say to these people. First, wouldn’t I be even less of a person if I didn’t reflect back? What kind of a person would I be if I didn’t try to improve relationships and appreciate whatever time I have left? Secondly, if you think I am hypocritical or disingenuous consider it an excellent opportunity for you to look back on your own relationships. Try to improve them where necessary and try to appreciate life now, before you are facing death. This is your opportunity not to be guilty of the same thing. Jonathan, another EC patient said to me “ I suspect the threat of imminent death sort of kicks us in the ass and gives us either dynamic insight into the real values of life or simply consumes us with fear.” I choose the former. Living with a disease that will eventually kill you is tough. It’s a constant balancing act between facing reality and trying to live life to the fullest; between not wanting the chemo that is destroying my body yet needing it to stay alive. There is a remarkable lady named Marny whose husband Dale died of esophageal cancer several years ago. Since then she continues to support those of us still fighting and to spread the word to people who may be at risk. She said something very important about the disease. She said “give it respect, not power.” That is the balance I strive to achieve. I get a lot of good advise from fellow warriors. Lois, whose husband Richard is also a patient said “Forget about statistics, cure rates, stages of cancer. Our lives are in the present and however long they may last, they are a priceless gift of time to be used immediately and carefully to the fullest. Use each day wisely and be thankful for the gift.” Very good advise indeed. Les, a patient who has been through 91 chemo cycles, shared a lot of wisdom recently. Les refers to the balancing act as “life in the middle ground”. He said “Although EC remains a deadly threat at all times, except when I am actively getting chemo, EC has little or no impact on my life……If I let this rob me of my life, it would be a personal tragedy. I feel optimistic that I will have more good days in abundance. I never have and never will allow the fear that a future diagnosis will indicate that EC has begun its final march. Even if this happens in the near future, I can look back on many wonderful days that I would not have had if I hadn't been willing to live in the middle ground”. As you can see this is an amazing club I am a member of. None of us wanted to join but now that we’ve been forced to we are glad it’s here and we appreciate the members. I want to end with my favorite quote. It’s from Mandy whose husband Travis is yet another patient. Mandy said “My future is as bright as my faith”. I believe. _____________________________________________