THE FATHERS AND THE SONS

I’m not sure if I have written about this before but several days after my first chemo treatment I experienced severe hiccups. At first I thought it was an after effect of the anesthesia from surgery I had just undergone to implant the portacath. Since then I have experienced hiccups several more times after treatment so it was probably not from the anesthesia. Anyway, I hate hiccups. I always did. They hurt me. And these hiccups were relentless. They ended up lasting about four days and I was really suffering from them. On the third night they were so bad that I couldn’t fall asleep. I had gotten very little sleep the previous couple of nights, I was hurting from the hiccups, hurting from the surgery, and feeling the effects of the chemo treatment. I was still feeling the symptoms I had before starting treatment. I have said that I don’t think it is right to pray for one’s self and I believe that. But I was feeling so bad I violated my own belief and I asked God to help me fall asleep. I needed relief. I don’t want this to sound like I had a vision. I did not. But I did form an image in my own mind, intentionally. I imagined my father walking toward me. He was being escorted by Jesus who was holding his hand. Jesus brought my father to me. My father sat down. I laid down and put my head in my father’s lap as he held me. I fell asleep; for real. Relief. I should mention that I don’t remember ever being held or hugged by my father. He didn’t openly express his emotions and hugging between two men was not as common as it is today. So this image was very comforting to me. As I said this was an image that I concocted myself but I do believe that God helped put the image in my mind. It was as if God was sending His son to bring my father to his son, who needed him very badly. Last night I had a dream. I dreamt that I was climbing stairs. I kept climbing and climbing, going up higher and higher. When I got to the top my father was standing there. We hugged. That hug felt so good it seemed real to me. There is a lot of symbolism here. I ascended to a place where my father was waiting for me. I feel like hugging my son. ------------------------------------------