A Tough Decision

I have a close friend who is a doctor. He doesn’t practice conventional medicine, rather alternative approaches such as nutritional changes, vitamin supplements and lifestyle changes. Since I began my ordeal he has recommended that I not take chemo because even the doctors who favored chemo admitted it was not a cure. He told me the chemo agents are toxic. They will eventually destroy my body by knocking out my natural immune system, eating away at muscle mass and destroying my kidneys. I did not take his advise, opting instead for conventional treatment. I think I made the right choice.

But at this point in the journey it may be time for an adjustment. So tomorrow I will talk to Dr. George about suspending chemo for a while. Here’s my thought process causing me to lean in this direction.

I’ve been experiencing something I haven’t mentioned before that is related to the ascites. I rarely urinate anymore, usually twice a day and only a trickle each time. It seems that virtually all my bodily fluid is accumulating in my abdomen. It is not passing through my system. This means that my kidneys are not being flushed out. Since I started chemo it has always been stressed that it is important to hydrate so the kidneys can be flushed. I suspect that because my system is not being flushed the chemo is staying in my body longer than intended. This may explain why my bone marrow has been having trouble regenerating white blood cells quickly enough.

I have no reason to think my kidneys are damaged at this point. But if I continue to put chemo in them without flushing them out they certainly will become damaged. I would then die of kidney failure.

I have very little muscle mass remaining. I have a great big belly from the fluid, yet the skin on my upper arms hangs and dangles like a ninety year old man. I am very weak in my arms and legs.

I am having fewer and fewer days when I feel relatively well. Aches, pains, fatigue and general discomfort are the norm. This may be from disease progression which argues for taking more chemo. It may be from the ascites which would mean it won’t stop unless the ascites stops. But it may also be from the accumulating effects of chemo.

For the sake of argument let’s assume that going ahead with this chemo regimen is the correct thing to do. The problem with that is so far it’s been impossible. The regimen calls for three weeks on treatment then one week off. I had one week on and then was unable to get treatment for the next two weeks because of the low white blood cell count. Dr. George wanted me to also have Herceptin but cannot give it to me now because of the damage it has done to my heart. The damage is reversible and I’m supposed to have another MUGA test in the beginning of February but for now, no Herceptin.

The point is it seems that at this point in time I’m only able to mount a half-assed assault on the disease.

Depending on what Dr. George has to say, my hope is to take several more weeks off from chemo. During that time I want to rebuild my strength. I’ll have the MUGA test and hopefully be able to resume the Herceptin. My kidneys will get a break. If I’m really lucky maybe it will turn out that the chemo has been causing the ascites and I’ll get some relief from that. Then I’ll go back on the chemo at full strength and hope to get a response from it.

I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. I’m nervous about it. But it may just be that it doesn’t matter what I do now. The point I’m at now was never unexpected.

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