Losing Control

Throughout this battle I’ve tried to find out what has to be done, lined things up to get it done and then move on to the next challenge. I’ve listened to all the professionals but have taken the approach of trying to make decisions for myself and to stay on top of things. That’s becoming increasingly more difficult to do. Yesterday I went for the chemo treatment that was delayed a week because of a low white blood cell count. Also, I’m already at the point where I need another paracentesis treatment to remove fluid so I was going to discuss timing with Dr. George, hoping to delay it a little but having things set up and ready to go. My plan didn’t work out. My white blood cell count is even lower than it was last week. Dr. George explained that the longer one is on chemo the more difficult it is for the bone marrow to produce the cells. Another one of the cumulative effects. So no chemo. And no paracentesis which carries a high risk of infection under normal circumstances. The plan now is for me to again give myself daily injections of neupogen to boost the white count. We scheduled the paracentesis for Thursday. I’ll go to Dr. George first to test the blood and if it’s ok I’ll go right o the hospital. But I don’t think that’s enough time to get the blood count up. Chemo is now scheduled for next Monday. It bothers me that my body is not letting me do the things that I know need to be done. I’ll suffer through the delay in the paracentesis but another delay in chemo is not good. Without it I have no chance. Can anybody read that writing on the wall? ----------------------------------------------