Which is Worse.... The Disease or the Treatment?

About a month ago, maybe a little more, I began experiencing a pain on the outside of my left elbow. At first I thought it was tendonitis although I did not remember doing anything to cause it. After a while I thought it was something else though I wasn’t sure what. I was concerned because whenever I feel something unusual I’m afraid it’s the cancer. I thought this may be a tumor caused by the disease spreading to the bones. Bone involvement is common with this disease. At first I considered keeping it to myself. I was afraid that if the cancer was spreading they would not do the SIR Sphere treatment. But my better judgment got the best of me and I mentioned it to the radiologist’s assistant. She said that even if it was a tumor they would still do the treatment. So we went ahead according to plan. When I saw Doctor George the week before SIRT started I mentioned it to her. She felt it might be an inflammation but said after the SIRT we’ll do a bone scan. I still feel the pain although it’s not as bad as it was originally. I still don’t know if it’s a minor thing or the disease spreading. Not knowing, worrying, is part of living with this thing. As I mentioned previously, Dr. George gave me an extra chemo treatment before starting SIRT. On the one hand I’m glad because the SIRT is a localized treatment. It should help the liver tumors but will do nothing for any other tumor or the microscopic cancer cells that are probably floating through my body. The chemo is systemic. And on the last blood test that included a CEA test the count had gone down slightly. CEA is a tumor marker. So this latest regimen may be having some effect. That’s good. But on the other hand the cumulative effect of the chemo is really taking its toll on me. The peripheral neuropathy keeps getting worse. I am afraid it will eventually render my hands and/or feet unusable. And lately I am experiencing a kind of tinnitus in my ears. I think this may be further nerve damage. According to my research and what Patrice the chemo nurse tells me, Cisplatin is the culprit. Cisplatin is a chemo agent that was part of the last regimen and part of the current regimen. It seems that it or one of the other “platins” (oxaliplatin, carboplatin) is a component of most regimens. I’ve been on it for almost eighteen months which is a long time. So I may have to explore a new cocktail. One that doesn’t include a “platin”. But I hate to mess with something that’s working. While I’m going through the SIRT I’ll be off chemo, I believe for more than a month. Hopefully it will be enough time for some of the side effects to diminish so I’ll be able to resume with renewed strength. Today my daughter Heather called to tell me she just got engaged to be married. She seems very happy which makes me happy. On Saturday I got to see my nephew Matthew whom I haven’t seen for a long time. He’s developed into a fine young man, very personable, good sense of humor, and on my side of political issues. I really enjoyed seeing him. On Sunday I called John Hawker. He is a very positive, upbeat person. He lifted my spirits. John was on his way home from a weekend trip to watch the Utah Jazz play. While he was there he met Travis Poll, another inspiration. We are all members of an exclusive club; one we never wanted to join. But all three of us will carry on. ------------------------------------------