These Are Real Men

Yesterday, as I was leaving the chemo lounge, there was a man standing just inside the entrance to the building. He looked homeless for lack of a better word. As I passed him he began to talk to me and I knew what was coming. He gave me several hard luck stories and asked me if I could “help” him. My nature is to find reasons not to help people like that. He’ll probably use the money for drugs or alcohol. It’s a scam, he probably makes a nice living doing this. I told him I couldn’t help him. He said “that’s OK, have a nice day”. I left and headed for my car. As I was walking to my car I thought of my friend Bob. Bob was a beautiful man and probably the most loyal friend I ever had. I met Bob when he began to work part time for my brother and I. He became such a good friend that when our business was bad Bob offered to work for free. He had a wonderful sense of humor and it was usually self effacing. Bob and I frequently went to Atlantic City (when business was good). We often encountered beggars there. Bob always gave them money. Bob died of a brain tumor. One day, after his death, I was in Atlantic City and encountered a beggar. Contrary to my nature I gave him money and told him it was for Bob. When I reached my car the thought of Bob made me rethink what I had done and then I began to think of reasons that I should give the man in the entrance some money. He did not appear to be high on drugs or alcohol. He was very gracious even when I turned him down. This was a very unusual place for someone to be begging for money. Maybe he really needed it. I went back to the man and gave him an amount of money that he probably never expected from anyone. He said “God bless you” to me. I told him that God already had. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about men who have influenced me. Many come to mind. My friend Denis once lived nearby. Denis has an infectious love for life. He is always happy. Denis has faced several adversities since I’ve known him and he has never lost his optimism. He has never been bitter. Denis has an unending love and dedication to his family. And he too is a loyal friend. Denis moved away but whenever he comes back this way on business or to visit family he goes out of his way to come see me. Denis is an example of what every man should be. There are two men I have that I met through my children’s school and they have been friends for a good twenty-five years. Joe and John both gave endlessly to our sons by coaching little league, soccer and school basketball. John continues to volunteer much of his time to the church in spite of his own personal hardships. Joe, who is in a retailing business, has always impressed me with his knowledge of business matters. We often have enlightening conversations about business matters. Joe and John fall into a relatively small group of men whom I can say I both respect and enjoy. My friend Charles I also met through the children’s school. He once lived nearby but moved to Canada. Charles is a very intelligent and very serious man. It’s hard to get him to laugh but when he does it feels real good. Charles is a man of principle. He too is dedicated to family. He is another example of what a man should be. There is a man named Nick who worked for me for about twenty-five years, the entire time I worked my father’s business. He worked for my father. Nick lost his wife many years ago but never stopped talking about her. He was a dedicated employee but more importantly he was always a friend. My ex-father-in-law Sam was nothing but fun and laughs to be around. He taught me how to do things around the house through negative example. He inadvertently wired our sump pump to the dining room dimmer switch. When the dining room lights went off the basement flooded. One day he helped us cut up some old carpeting to prepare for a new installation. In the process he cut out the house alarm wiring. But he was always there to help. Sam had the deepest love for his two daughters that I ever witnessed. I’m glad he did not live long enough to see my divorce from one of them. I think it would have hurt him. My brother-in-law Bob is an example to me. Bob and his wife suffered the loss of a child before I knew them. Their faith has been unblemished by the tragedy. Bob is extremely dedicated to his family. He’ll drive endless miles to be with his daughter in Ohio, his mother-in-law in Jersey or to be with his wife at their summer home in upstate New York even if he had to commute for work. Bob is also a pleasure to be with. My friend Vince, whom I met about six years ago playing poker, provides me with endless opportunity to laugh and play. I’m still laughing from a night a few months ago when we were staying in Atlantic City and I and another one of his friends short sheeted his bed. Imagine the reaction of someone who is so fussy about his sleeping arrangements that he brings his own pillow to the hotel. But Vince is a very intelligent man and he shares my political views so we have some serious conversations as well. Most importantly, Vince helped me rectify some personal affairs before it’s too late. And then there are the men who are closest to me. Those who know me well know that I have had my problems with my brother. But through it all he has demonstrated determination and perseverance. And those characteristics have paid off for him. It was I who worked with my father before he died and it was me who my father entrusted the business with. My father never had the opportunity to see how well Tim would do with the business. He would be proud. I am. My step father Paul meant a lot to me. He taught me everything I know about fixing things around the house. That’s not much but whatever it is he taught me. He also taught me how important it was to love my mother. Paul left this world about thirteen tears ago. My grandfather was one hundred per cent dedicated to his family, particularly his wife. He was a hard worker and he was always smiling. He was the family rock. The only time I saw a crack in that rock was at my father’s funeral. The man who has had the most influence on me was my father. He died more than thirty years ago but there isn’t a day that goes by without me thinking about him. My father taught me about business and about life. Those that knew him will probably not understand this but he taught me to love. His love for my mother was undying even after they divorced. His love for me was unconditional. He stood behind me and beside me no matter what path I chose in life even when he didn’t agree with my choices. He struggled with a personal problem that probably killed him. Mine is probably killing me. He’s waiting for me. And then there’s the man who has been the joy in my life for the past twenty-six plus years. His name is Albert Jerome Wyman IV. AJ. My son. One day when he was a new-born, shortly after we brought him home from the hospital, I held him in my arms frantically pounding on his chest and back and then turning him upside down because we thought he wasn’t breathing. He ended up on a monitor for sleep apnea. I don’t know if I saved his life that day. We may have panicked and over reacted. But if I did save his life I also saved my own. AJ has provided nothing but joy in my life. Nothing ever gave me more pleasure than watching him play sports. There is a picture embedded in my mind of the most perfect moment in my life. It was a warm, sunny day, perfect element number one. I was on the sidelines of a soccer field with my two dogs, Felix and Oscar, element number two. I was with the woman I love, Terry, number three. We were there watching AJ play. It doesn't get micu better. I remember telling someone about it at the time. The only thing that kept it from being the absolute perfect time in my life was that I did not have a good relationship with my daughter at the time. But it is the closest thing to perfection I have ever experienced. AJ loves life. He has a million friends. And they are good friends. AJ loves children and animals. He has a great personality. Everybody likes him. AJ was loyal to me throughout my divorce from his mother. He has never let me down. AJ is working hard at his job. He is presently enduring fourteen weeks of boot camp like training. He is a constant source of pride for me. One of my biggest regrets is that I never let the men who have passed away know how much they meant to me. I’m going to make a point now to do that for the ones that are still here. -----------------------------------------------------------------------