RANDOM RAMBLINGS

I recently discovered a web site that contains an abundance of great information about esophageal cancer. It has some very important information about how heartburn and gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) can lead to cancer. I urge everyone to take a look at it, particularly if you or anyone you know experiences heartburn or GERD. Heather, AJ, read up (I’m still here to nag you). It’s also a good reference for learning more about this disease and if you read some of it you’ll see a lot of the facts and statistics that make my prognosis as bad as it is. Enjoy! Click here for Esophageal Cancer Info Yesterday I felt like I had enough energy to get out and do some work in the yard. I went outside, fully motivated, only to discover that it was in the low 50’s. Not acceptable. I run on solar energy and for me that includes heat. So I came back in to wait another day, expecting that I’d have even more energy and it would be warmer. I was right!!!!! Today was a beautiful day and I was able to do more than I expected. Not much, but more than I expected. It felt good. Then AJ came over and we watched some videos together making it a truly glorious day. I was able to finalize arrangements for my appointment at the Cancer Institute of NJ. It took several phone calls, making arrangements with my oncologist to fax some records over, driving to a local hospital to pick up scan tests, and tomorrow Terry and I will drive to the Center which is about an hour away. Do you think I’m going to too much trouble to try to live? I don’t expect much to come of it but I have to make sure I’m doing everything possible. Terry and I agreed to work bingo at our Church. The school is discontinuing it as a fund raiser and the Church is taking it over. We’ve both done it before. They need the help and I need the brownie points. I am experiencing something new in my life, eating for nourishment. Ironically, after a lifetime of being an overweight overeater, I don’t enjoy eating anymore. Obviously this is due to the loss of taste buds, but it’s weird. I eat all I can at a meal but frequently supplement it with a can of Ensure to make sure I’m getting enough nutrients and calories. Actually it’s not Ensure. It’s the store brand of it cuz I’m still cheap. Now that I think about it’s appropriate that I rely on Shop Rite for some of my health concerns. Prior to this illness I used to go there monthly for the free blood pressure screening. Shop Rite was my primary care physician. Now I use them as my nutrition specialist. I’m sure that if I ever get my taste buds back my love of food will return as well. In the meantime I keep losing weight although no one would know. I used to be very fat. Now I’m just fat. On a more serious note, it’s quite possible that God gave me this disease in order to extend my life. Without it I might very well be dead from a heart attack by now. Remember, we can never know what His plan is. We must accept it and do our best with it. I’ve had to officially add another side effect to the list; neuropathy. My fingers and toes get those “tingly”, numb feelings. When combined with the already sensitive fingers due to the loss of nails I don’t know what I’m feeling in my hands. I do know that I drop things a lot and have virtually no dexterity. Something has to give soon. I hope it’s not me. Carry on. -------------------------------------------