IT'S ALL PART OF THE CRUISE

My father had a saying whenever something unusual happened or something a little unpleasant occurred. He would say “It’s all part of the cruise” meaning it was part of the plan, it was meant to happen. I’ve been hearing that in my mind often lately. I’ve been depressed lately. It seems that with each chemo treatment the side effects last a little longer. Today it is a week since my last treatment began and I still am very low on energy and stamina. It used to last only a few days. I think I’m also starting to experience “chemo brain”, a phenomenon described by many cancer patients. It includes absent mindedness, dementia, lack of concentration and other brain failures. Recent studies have validated this with scientific explanation. In my case I’ve been making dumb mistakes at work and doing things like driving past my exit on the Parkway while looking at it and thinking “wow, that came up fast”. I even programmed the wrong address into my GPS and then let it take me in a totally different direction than I knew I should be going, thinking to myself, “well it’s probably taking me on the back roads”. So between the lack of energy, the chemo brain mimicking senility and other side effects like dry hands and fragile nails that limit my dexterity I feel like an old man. Then I start to think that may be appropriate since I’m probably close to the end of my life. I told you it was depressing. But then today I was reading a magazine and came across a photo of a piece of art. It was part of a collection of spiritual art. It said “This is part of his plan for me”. That’s the spiritual version of “It’s all part of the cruise”. Interesting that these two fathers of mine have both sent me a similar message at this time. I often wonder if some of the symptoms I experience are effects of the chemo or effects of the disease. When you are living with cancer every little pain or discomfort you feel makes you think the disease is spreading; not a pleasant thought. On the other hand, if the symptoms are from the chemo it means that they are cumulating and sooner or later I may not be able to tolerate them; also an unpleasant thought. Either way, these trials are out of my control. I take comfort in knowing that they are part of God’s plan for me. And of course it’s all part of the cruise. Does anyone know where the ship is going?